


Growing Up

by donniestan



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 13:23:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11968293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donniestan/pseuds/donniestan
Summary: happy bday joe!!





	Growing Up

**Author's Note:**

> happy bday joe!!

1.

"I dried my eyes, now I crust them with sleep  
I'll crust them over"

It's so quiet, all Patrick can hear is the soft hum of noise from upstairs and Joe's ragged breathing not next to him, but certainly near him. 

They are alone in the basement, Pete upstairs talking to the girl who's house this is( and Patrick doesn't even know her name!) and her friends, Andy somewhere but not here.

Patrick breathes in and out, feeling his too long hair itch against the back of his neck, his ear and his cheek pressed firmly against the pillow. 

All of a sudden Patrick feels terribly homesick. He misses the way his legs tangle in the sheets when he wakes up, the blankets at the end of his bed a heavy weight on his feet. He likes it when he can see the moon through his little bedroom window, shining onto his desk and chair and guitar and stretch of floor where he always accidentally drops his socks. Here in this cold, dark basement, there are no windows. And it isn't home.

Yet his weary eyes eventually close, because although he tries to fight it, Patrick is very tired.  
He's almost, almost drifting off until a loud sound wakes him. 

Laughing from upstairs- a sudden burst of loud music. It's enough to make Patrick hide his face in the pillow and drag the heavy covers over his head.

He sighs.  
Someone sighs in return.

" Joe?" he asks, carefully.  
" Mmm... I'm trying to sleep, Rick."  
"Oh. Sorry."

No response back.  
The silence drones on again, and Patrick rolls over, cheeks flushed, forehead damp, staring at the black above him. 

2.

" As if we cared  
Enough to try to catch up  
Enough to make up for lost time" 

Patrick doesn't realise it isn't normal until he is wrapped around Pete one afternoon in the van.  
" Dude. I love you and stuff, but personal space... if I wanted to cuddle..."

Jerking away, Patrick's face turns blotchy.  
Pete continues;  
" Listen, Trick, I know you do that with Joe and stuff, but-" 

" I'm not! I don't!" he protests, not letting himself think about the time a couple of years ago, in 2001, when he woke up with Joe's open mouth pressed against his neck. It was their first tour, and they were both terribly homesick. 

Even now, Patrick will sometimes notice Joe's arm draped across his waist during colder nights in the van, and they both don't say anything about it. It makes him kinda nervous to think about what it means, so he doesn't. 

" Hey? You still with us?"  
Pete is waving a hand in front of his face. Patrick blinks in response.  
" Yeah! I just got distracted."

Suddenly, their conversation is cut short by Andy and Joe coming back into the van from the convenience store. A packet of crisps lands in his lap, and Patrick turns to see Joe smiling at him. He smiles back softly, feeling like the worlds biggest idiot. 

 

3.

"I might look young  
But I'm no less defeated  
How's the weather up there?"

Why oh why is he so stupid? Patrick goes over every little thing in his mind because he doesn't know shit about anything. It's nearly midnight,he hasn't showered in two days, and this fan is trying to take a picture with him, which he hates because he always ends up looking like a red-eyed demon in photos.

The fan shoves him aside to go take a picture with Pete, who smiles brightly, wrapping his arm around her bare shoulder.

Joe is nearby, eating crisps. This just makes Patrick feel worse.

Why oh why did he just smile pathetically at him when he gave Patrick some crisps from some random store a few days ago? If it was Pete he would just yell back thank you, and if it was Andy he would do the same.... Pete's comment about " doing that with Joe and stuff" means that he now overthinks ever little interaction with him. 

" Hey, hey Patrick! We're going back to the van now."  
It's Andy. Patrick nods slowly, then walks, then runs to the van door to get there first. Before long, they're inside. 

It's been half an hour and Pete isn't back yet.  
" He's staying over. Probably." Andy just sounds tired. 

They're both lying down on the sleeping bags, and Patrick sits up fast when he realises.  
" Shit. Where's Joe?"

4.

"A simple contradiction  
Could shake my whole foundation"

Joe won't talk to either of them now.  
His first and last words to them were " left by my own band" muttered under his breath. 

Somewhere in the van, a watch beeps.  
Patrick can hear Joe crying. 

The door bangs open, and it's Pete.  
He's drunk, and shouting something meaningless to someone behind him.

" Yeah- yeah! bye! buy... Ha! bye bye.... a t- shirt! you too! Bye"

Andy stops fiddling with a chocolate bar wrapper.  
Joe stops sobbing.  
Patrick thinks he stops breathing for a second. 

Then, they hear the sound of Pete collapsing onto his sleeping bag, hear him mumble " 'cking tired"  
and finally, they here his breathing even out. 

Andy exhales like he's been holding his breath for hours, and then he whispers:  
" Joe. I'm sorry. We were assholes and we shouldn't have left you."

" Yeah, I'm really sorry," Patrick mumbles, rather pathetically, he thinks. They can try all they want, but Joe is offended and hurt and it's terrible to see. 

No response from Joe. 

" Do you want some water?" Patrick croaks. He hears a rustle and then a sleepy " Yes." 

Slowly, Joe takes a long sip of the bottled water, and Patrick can hear him shift in his sleeping bag. 

He doesn't say thank you.  
To be honest, Patrick doesn't expect anything else.

 

5.

"Where can I go when I want you around  
But I can't stand to be around you"

Eventually, Joe does forgive them both. Soon Patrick forgets that Joe ever stopped talking to him. Almost.

They're all in yet another fan's room, this time just a guest bedroom in a flat. There's a window, which Patrick is thankful for, and an actual bed to sleep on. 

It's so close to the floor he feels like he's sinking, and there's a low bit in the middle and then a huge bump in the mattress at the end of the bed. But it's a mattress... albeit one that he's sharing with Joe.

Patrick's lying on his right side,on the bed, eyes closed, when he feels the mattress sink beside him. Bolting upright, he sees Joe grinning at him. 

The show tonight was great; probably one of their best yet since the band started. 

" You were on fire tonight, Trohman," Patrick mutters, then lies back down again to indicate that he's done with conversation. All is quiet until Joe hisses:  
" Rick? You there?"  
" No."  
Joe snorts. " Okay." 

Then he tries again.  
" Rick... I'm bored. Talk to me."  
" No."  
Feeling Joe shift under the covers next to him, Patrick says: "Go to sleep. It's late."  
" I wouldn't be asleep now if I was home."  
" You wouldn't BE here if you were home."  
" C'mon, talk to me? About anything. I can't sleep."  
" You will."

Silence for a second.  
" Okay. So right now I'm really into... rocks." Patrick says hesitantly. 

Silence again.

He's messed it up now. What made him think Joe would care about rocks?

" So like geology?" he replies, after a while.  
" No. Like gems."  
" Like diamonds?"  
" No."  
" So like jewellery?"  
" No- wait a second- like this." Patrick sits up, climbs over Joe, who's staring at him expectantly, gets his bag, and roots around for a small, purple stone. Finding it, he passes it over to Joe.

" Whoah. That's cool."

He seems genuinely impressed.  
" I've got loads of them..." Patrick enthuses." Well not loads, but some... there's this big book that tells you what they are and stuff. "

" Mm... go on..."

They talk until they fall asleep. 

When Patrick wakes up, it isn't morning. The moonlight is shining onto the mattress, he notices. He climbs over Joe again and heads to the tiny bathroom attached to the room. 

Everyone is still asleep when gets back- Pete was grumpy today because he only got two hours -Patrick hopes he will get a good rest tonight. Andy is snoring lightly.

Just as he's about to climb back into bed, he pauses.

Patrick has never seen Joe's face when he's asleep. Every time, he pulls the covers over his head, or tugs down his hood, or turns away from him.

Right now, though, he isn't even wearing a hoodie, so Patrick can see his face and his neck and the shape of his shoulders through his thin t-shirt.

Stop staring, Patrick tells himself. Stop it. 

Yet he's fascinated by the way Joe's chest moves when he breathes in and out. His hair is thick and messy and dark. His mouth is open slightly. 

Stop it, Patrick thinks. 

But he can't. 

6.

"I'm deep with futures like Chicago  
No, Glenview never meant a thing to me" 

Andy is hitting the drums with enthusiasm; Pete is screaming, voice hoarse. Joe is spinning around and around. And Patrick? He's on top of the world as he sings the last line of the song; 

" Saturday...."  
He hears Joe strum his guitar one last time and turns to face him. 

Pete yells into the crowd:  
" WE ARE FALL OUT BOY!"

A few girls in the front row squeal with excitement. A guy at the side cheers. Patrick feels the energy rush, the dizziness, the joy. He feels right, for once. 

Until a guy at the back with a bad bleach job yells:  
" WHO?"

They start clearing up immediately after that. Joe stares at the floor. Pete's angry, nearly hitting Andy with his bass. 

" Who the hell are Fall Out Boy anyway?" He asks his friends.  
" Try-hards" one of them yells with glee. 

With that, the band's good mood is dampened. They're all silent as they leave the venue. 

Patrick feels frustration, humiliation. The words hit him like a knife in his chest. Pete tries to touch his arm, and Joe attempts to lay a heavy hand on the back of his neck. 

Turning away, Patrick just feels numb. Nothing matter now.

They all go back to the van, except him. Andy tells him not to be long, with concern in his voice. 

Patrick stands on the wet concrete outside the club,hair soaking wet. 

" Oh my god!"  
" Did you see the little one?"  
" Think they're so scene-" 

It's them. His head whips around, face flushing with fear, heart stuttering. They see him. 

Before he knows what he's doing, Patrick is striding up to them, mouth running away from his brain, eyes burning, stinging-

" What do you think you're doing what t-"  
A loud burst of laughter cuts him off.  
" Look at him!" 

It all happens too fast for Patrick. He spits, fists clenched.  
" do you wanna fight I beat up-beat you up-"

The guy with the bleached hair stops laughing.  
" You for real? Oh come on! Okay! Okay! This is so-"

Patrick throws a feeble little fist, wet with sweat, at the guy's face.  
He jerks away, howling with laughter. His hand crashes into Patrick's nose. 

The force of the punch is so strong, it knocks Patrick back into the dirty grass next to the concrete. His head thuds. Dizziness. Can't see anything. He hears their laughter, horrible, canned, and their footsteps after they just walk away from him. 

He reaches up to touch his nose, and feels something wet, hot. Blood. He pulls away his red- soaked hand and promptly bursts into tears. 

Standing up is hard. He feels drunk... numb again. The van feels so far away now. He's so stupid. So dumb. 

" Idiot," he mumbles. 

There's a disgusting mess of snot and blood above his top lip. He nearly slips on the grass. Idiot. 

" Patrick! Oh my god, what happened to you?"

Andy. Thank God. He rushes forward, and mutters, as he hugs Patrick, " we never should have left you..." 

When they finally reach the van, Patrick expects silence, or maybe the dim hum of the radio. But there is a heady scent, and shouting.  
Andy swears and pulls his shirt over his mouth.  


There's people who Patrick doesn't know in the van. One guy is sitting on his sleeping bag. Joe is in the middle of them, laughing at some joke. 

Andy is furious.  
" Is it really the time to smoke weed, Joe? Now?"  
Joe doesn't respond. He doesn't seem to have noticed that Andy or Patrick are there.

Something inside Andy seems to snap, and he orders the other guys out. Pete appears, from the front of the van, and he hugs Patrick tightly.

By now his nose is still hurting, but not as bad as before.But something, a horrible thought, makes him worried. 

He asks Andy, in the front seat;  
" What- what if it's broken?"  
" I hope not.... The bleeding stopped, so..." 

By now, Patrick is just tired and he feels like shit and he just wants to sleep. 

Pete is still yelling at Joe;  
" What the hell, man? Look at Patrick!" 

Joe's eyes are dilated and he smells strange. Badly, Patrick wants to curl up next to him, sleep near him. 

But he knows that won't happen now, now that Joe hasn't even said a word to him since he entered the van. Until now. 

" What happened to you?"  
His voice is raspy, nasal. 

Patrick wipes his noise with his sleeve.  
" Got beat up."

Joe frowns.  
" Well you shouldn't have stayed back then, should you?" He pauses. 

Then Pete shouts something about leaving Patrick alone, and Andy looks angry.

Patrick? He just buries himself in his sleeping bag and doesn't talk. Tries to drown out the ringing in his ears. 

Andy is driving tonight. They're half an hour away from the last venue when Patrick realises he's crying again. He sniffs, and feels a sense of hopelessness.

It wasn't even the fact that Joe was smoking weed. He can smoke all he wants. 

But he ignored Patrick, didn't comfort him like he would have usually done. Patrick thinks that maybe he was angry about the guys at the show, and tried to forget about it. Once again he wishes he had just left those guys alone. 

All of a sudden, he feels someone shift behind him, and wrap their arms around his waist. Must have heard him crying. Must be Pete. 

The voice,tired, isn't Pete's. 

" Don't cry," Joe whispers. " It's okay. " 

Patrick wonders if Joe can feel him nod. Feel him move against him. 

7.

"You need him  
I could be him"

" Dude, stop apologising." Patrick says, after Joe has said sorry for the 233rd time that day. 

" I was an asshole." His voice is thick.  
" I know. But I forgive you."

Joe has been guilty since the morning. He gave Patrick all of his food. When Patrick's MP3 died, Joe let him listen to music on his. 

He even tried to give Patrick his sleeping bag. 

" Joe... it's okay. It really is."  
Patrick stops for a moment. 

" Honestly, I don't even remember much of last night. I just kinda wanna forget about it."  
" Yeah... me too." 

Their next show is tomorrow.  
It seems like everyone is thankful for the break. Pete and Andy have forgiven Joe too, as long as he smokes in private, and it seems everything is back to normal. 

Joe smiles and nods at Patrick before going to talk to Pete about something.

Patrick can't help but notice how defined Joe's back is. He feels a sudden jolt of shock, and looks away, cheeks on fire. 

Well, almost back to normal. 

That night, it's quiet, so quiet. Patrick is better for it. He looks out the tiny, dirty window at the back of the van, watching a red car behind overtake them. 

Pete wanted to drive, but Andy told him to rest and now he is fast asleep. Is Joe awake? 

" Joe?" Patrick asks. The name feels light and easy on his tongue, like he could say it over and over again.

" Yeah, what is it?" 

He is closer than Patrick thinks. Every time a car comes close to the van, it's headlights show him Joe's face. An ambulance rages past, and he is lit up in a ghostly green light that makes his eyes shine. 

" Patrick?"

Patrick looks away. He has to. Thinking about Joe so near makes his heart race. 

" Rick," he whispers. And then he moves closer ,mumbling something else that Patrick can't make out. 

Patrick feels warm, fuzzy. Happy. 

And then he feels happier still when Joe's mouth gently nudges against his own. Just like that. 

It's soft, so soft. Joe pulls away from him slowly, eyes dilated, but Patrick wants to be closer to him like before, so he presses his lips to  
Joe's again. 

" Don't stop..." he mumbles when Patrick finally pulls back. His hand reaches out to rub the back of Patrick's neck. 

Joe embraces him then, and they lie together on the pile of pillows and cushions and sleeping bags at the back of the van. 

Patrick feels oddly calm. Like this was meant to happen. Like this is natural, just the next step in his friendship with Joe. 

He falls asleep feeling content. Safe. 

8.

"Maybe he won't find out what I know  
You were the last good thing about this part of town"

The next morning, Patrick wakes up with Joe above him, grinning. 

" Joe..." Patrick rubs his eyes, hazy memories of last night passing through his mind. 

" What time is it?" He asks sleepily. 

" Like 10," Joe replies, still beaming. He throws a granola bar, wrapped in plastic, at Patrick. 

" We stopped already. I got you breakfast. And you can have my drink!" 

Still half- asleep, Patrick says thank you before rolling over to press his face into his sleeping bag. 

Throughout the day, Joe doesn't kiss him or mention last night. Maybe it was a dream. Patrick wouldn't be surprised.

The show that night passes without a hitch. It's actually their penultimate one before the tour ends, and they all go back home. 

Pete has mentioned getting an apartment and him, Patrick and Joe sharing it. 

Strangely, Patrick likes that idea. It sounds quite fun, if they can get one close to home. 

He's not as homesick now, barely had time to think of home with all his thoughts of Joe. 

Another basement tonight. But the difference is that they all finally get to have a shower. Patrick emerges from the bathroom still wet, dressed in shorts and an old green t-shirt. 

Joe is lying with this back to him on a camp bed. Pete is upstairs, and Andy is too. They're alone for now. Patrick walks over so he can lie next to Joe. 

" Hey." His voice is quiet. Is Joe... nervous? 

" I..." Patrick starts. He composes himself.  
" Last night, did you mean it?"  
Joe blinks.  
"Of course I meant it. I... I like you." He ducks his head. " A lot." 

For once Patrick is silent. He thinks about playing cards with Joe and making stupid bets. He thinks about the two of them making an alphabet of swear words when Patrick was homesick. He thinks about everything. 

Wouldn't it just be the same? Does it have to change? Couldn't Patrick be Joe's best friend and lie next to him and kiss him? 

" You alright?"  
Joe's voice brings him back to reality. 

" I like you... too," Patrick stutters out suddenly. The widest of smiles spreads over Joe's face as he shuffles closer to Patrick. 

9.

"Until then here's a song  
And until then just sing along"

It was a Friday afternoon, and Patrick was currently in downtown Chicago, in his favourite crystal store.

A few weeks ago, after the summer tour, Pete, Patrick and Joe had moved into their apartment. Patrick was very pleased with that arrangement, even more so because now he was dating Joe. 

He smiled to himself absentmindedly, thinking about his boyfriend. They were going to tell Pete and Andy soon. 

The owner of the store asked Patrick if he needed anything, but he just shook his head politely. 

The sudden blast of noise from the crowded street outside alerted him to the arrival of a new customer. However, Patrick turned away from the distraction and back to the crystals. 

" Andy said you would be here!" 

Patrick whips around to see Joe. 

" Joe!" He says, surprised.  
" What a coincidence..." 

Joe raises his eyebrows.  
" Bet you were just thinking about me, huh?" 

Patrick blushes, and turns redder till when Joe takes his hand. 

" I'm nearly done, just a second," Patrick tells him. 

"It's okay, Rick. Take your time. Anyway," Joe looks around the store, " This is a nice place. Andy told me you liked it here, and I thought I might be able to catch up with you. "

Patrick pays, and they walk out of the store, talking, hands linked, faces pink from the fading fall heat. 

10.

" 'Cause baby maybe oh baby  
We'll be together forever someday"

Outside, it's just starting to get dark. Patrick thinks that maybe this is his favourite time of the day. 

It's just him and Joe in the apartment now, Pete being out somewhere. They're in Joe's room, because the bed is bigger. 

It's silent, except for their breathing. Joe's arms are around Patrick, and he can feel his chest ride and fall behind him. Joe shifts, just a little, and it's enough to make Patrick yawn and stretch. 

If someone would have told him that in a few months he would be together with someone, Patrick wouldn't have believed them. But this thing with Joe is better than he could ever imagined. 

They still play cards. They still have " riff battles". Most days, they watch the TV or try and eat together, which is hard with work and contrasting shifts. 

Yet there's this new feeling, this sensation, that Patrick feels when he's around Joe. It's hard to hide it. 

The band will be practicing, and Joe will play some riff, his face screwed up in concentration, eyebrows furrowed. Pete will give Patrick a thoughtful glance as he watches Joe with a dreamy look on his face. 

Joe yawns suddenly, and Patrick is startled. This makes Joe laugh a little, his nose pushing into the nape of Patrick's neck, his breath warm. The he rubs Patrick's side, before yawning again and slipping into sleep, his breathing steady. 

Patrick nuzzles his face against the pillow and follows suit.


End file.
